How come we take long to realize?

I have fallen in my own tramp. You see, I have been a very confused and complicated person all my life. I have been in school, graduated from college and about everything you can think about. And yet I don't have the stability a normal person should have. My daughter's boyfriend is a very smart and intelligent boy. I can see myself in him at his age. By the way I am 34. He is 20. He feels old to be a freshman in college. And yet I'm 34, I'm still taking master's courses and I am only a substitute. I don't know how many times I have said this now. But my point is, I barely realize that I have not been serious about my life. I have been scared. VERY scared about making a decision. I should be a teacher, yet I was so afraid to make that step. I feel as if I wouldn't have been scared, my life wouldn't have become so complicated, but being complicated made me feel scared about life. Do you understand me? Because I am still trying to understand. What takes a 20 year old to take his life serious, and why did I took so long? After 4 children, and 15 years of married? Can someone tell me?